Thirty-three Degrees

Thirty-three Degrees
By Reagan Larsen

Have you ever felt like you were trapped inside your own head? I get home from work and I have all these fun projects I want to do; writing my book, coding a budgeting app, heck, even playing video games. But for some stupid reason I turn on cruise control and sit down. My phone is already in my hands—I have no idea how it got there—and I’m already searching up YouTube.

That’s right, I’m looking it up on Google. That’s because I deleted the app since I was spending too much time on it. I scroll for half a minute and I find the most interesting reel to watch, which is usually watching another person watch funny videos. I don’t even know why I bother searching for an “interesting” video, because within a minute I’ve already swiped to the next reel.

They’re randomly generated as to which one pops up next. Each one is different. They’re all the same. It’s an addicting gamble to find out when the next dopamine rush will come. I don’t even remember anything from them. I think I may have laughed a couple times. But for the rest of that hour I spent staring at my phone. I wasn’t even listening to the videos since my brain was just . . . shut off.

At some point I realize that I’ve wasted a lot of time, so I get up and eat dinner. I’ve been getting better about my eating habits, so that’s a positive. Two hundred grams of protein within two thousand calories is quite the achievement, but with the help of protein powder, skim milk, protein yogurt, and a store-bought rotisserie chicken, it’s possible.

But once I’m done with dinner, I figure I could rest from all that hard work with a couple more videos. Five minutes should be plenty of time.

When I remember where I am, the sun has already gone down.

Before reels and TikTok (which I don’t use because I don’t trust the Chinese government) I wasted a lot of time on full-length videos. Real content. I had a video for every situation. Someone tells a funny joke? I’ve got a video it reminds me of. An interesting scenario happens? I’ve got a video.

Then I served a two-year church mission where I wasn’t watching videos all the time. But this was when reels were introduced to Facebook, which I had access too. Sure, watching reels was a bit of a problem, but not nearly as much as it is now.

They say it takes one hundred hours of practice to become excellent at something. After my mission, I had forgotten all of those videos I used for every scenario. Now I couldn’t tell you the last reel I watched to save my life. I’ve put hundreds of hours into watching videos. And what do I have to show for it?

A crippling phone addiction.

Gosh. I pretend to have all these things to do. I tell my friends I’m super busy. But what do I do with that time I have scheduled to code? I watch videos. Even watching a movie is infinitely more fulfilling than this.

I don’t even like these videos. They’re ridiculous, to be honest. God made mankind to be a force to act and not to be acted upon, but my phone puts me in a catatonic state, collars my neck and dresses me in chains and says “I am your master now. You are my product. For every ad you watch half a second of, I earn more money than you could ever do in a day. Feed me, wretch.”

I suppose it’s not all terrible. I’m writing this, after all. But it’s nine o’clock in the evening, and I’ve been home since four. But when I broke free of the videos and tried to write, I couldn’t concentrate on what Absconder Skanlan was supposed to do, or how Ashe Heaventhief is supposed to become captain of the Kingfisher. So I figured anything was better than nothing, and I tried to write a short story. But I struggle with short stories. Maybe I should have just pushed through.

I’m writing this instead.

It’s therapeutic, really. The act of writing down my feelings on this subject while listening to cool music has put my mind at ease. It’s progress. If a little. Maybe I can write a character with a voice similar to mine. I don’t think you’re getting the same sarcasm I write in my college essays about some stupid subject. (My poor professors). But there were some cool lines, like the metaphor of my phone speaking to me.

Personifying my phone like that helps me see what it really is. That won’t stop me entirely. But perhaps it’s like melting an ice cube. Each action, paradigm, and thought turns up the temperature of an ice cube. Starting at low temperatures, you wont’ see any changes and may get frustrated that your efforts aren’t doing anything. All until the cube reaches 33 degrees and suddenly it starts to melt! I may be tempted to think that it was the most recent thing that I did that melted the ice, if slowly, when really it was every little bit along the way.

Writing this may be a start. Or it may be the thirty-third degree. All I needed was that one act to see a droplet of water on my frozen mind. Hopefully this will bring the momentum I need for tomorrow when I get back from work.

Another metaphor from physics (which is a great subject for metaphors and lessons, in my opinion. I was a driving instructor for a couple years, and for some reason I included simple physics lessons into most of my drives. There’s no reason not to teach the sciences of the world alongside anything else!) is that of friction. It’s thanks to friction that anything happens.

Ice is often compared to something with no friction—though that’s far from the truth. You try walking on ice, but your foot slips. Sure, your muscles and body are moving, but you’re not getting anywhere. You’re walking in place. But with friction, your foot pushes against the ground, and that resistance allows you to propel yourself forward.

There’s another property called “initial friction.” I think. It’s been a year since I’ve actually studied this. Two stationary objects have a greater force of friction, and therefore need a slightly stronger force to get the objects to slide alongside each other. But once they’re moving, the force of friction decreases, and you don’t need as much force to keep the object moving. Inertia may play a role in this. But as soon as you stop, you’re stuck there until you temporarily apply a greater force to get the objects to slide against each other again.

I hope this essay is that initial force of friction. A short thing I can do before bedtime that will inspire me to write my stories tomorrow. Sure, it’s not my books or my app, but it’s something. Remember what I said earlier? Anything is better? I’d say this qualifies.

Actually, this more than qualifies. On a drive I took on Friday, I was listening to Les Misérables by Victor Hugo. In this novel, Hugo tends to spend chapters upon chapters describing in great detail items and events that have minimal relevance to the story, such as the battle of Waterloo and hyper-religious convents. I don’t mind these too terribly, as I find them interesting despite them not being the reason I’m reading the novel.

But what I appreciate is Hugo’s views on them. Being a romantic heavily involved with the politics of his time, Hugo will include his own philosophies in his novels, referencing other authors, philosophers, and historical figures.

Even today in church, there was a speaker who referenced Martin Luther King Jr’s letter from Birmingham Jail alongside scriptural quotes. I’ve read that particular letter years ago in High School when studying rhetoric, but that was the last time I touched it.

And it was here that I realized what my phone had stolen from me.

Thought.

These are incredible thinkers, Hugo and King, and their words have moved mountains. While my enemies are studying philosophy, I am laughing at people laughing at stupid videos. While my friends are getting married, I am twiddling my right thumb.

Don’t you see how horrific that is? I’m so lazy, I don’t even have the energy to twiddle both my thumbs. It’s pathetic.

I’m not giving myself time to think. I’m not giving myself time to appreciate this beautiful world that God has created or bask in the glory of His Son. Maybe this sounds weird, but I love thinking. I don’t have ADHD, but I am always thinking of story ideas, religion, the Legend of Zelda, my family, plans for the future, evil schemes to take over the world, how to fix the education system, what I should make for dinner, and so much more. Except when I am on my phone.

The more I am on my phone, the less I think. The less I think, the worse I feel. The worse I feel, the darker the world gets. The darker the world gets, the more I seek confirmation of its evils on my phone. Iron sharpens iron, and these online algorithms are designed to keep me there forever.

I need a mind of steel. Stronger, lighter, and more durable than iron. In a few seconds, I’m going to put my earbuds away and not even touch my phone, then I will read a book for fifteen minutes. Hopefully these simple acts to turn up the temperature are another ingredient for a steel mind capable of releasing my brain.

One degree at a time.